Abandonment Issues Expose Your Needy, Sad Little Kid Core
Written By: Mark Smith
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“Love is a sweet tyranny,
because the lover endureth his torments willingly.” ~Proverb
A brutal example of the excruciating pain of Abandonment pain were Mike
(44), a former professional athlete and his wife Anne (42), a CEO of a
dynamic Internet company. During a break from their tumultuous
relationship Anne had dated another man. She remained in contact with
this man and she deceived Mike about that contact. Mike was a huge
athletic fellow who about broke my hand every time he shook it. He
brought cyber stalking to a whole other level. He could easily have
made a living as a private detective or conducted workshops on how to
monitor the activities of a wayward significant other. He went so far
as to actually break into Anne's house, finding damning evidence in her
trash. He tracked the fellow that Anne had the affair with. He always
knew exactly where the 'competition' was. The affair was long over but
Mike's internal demons kept it fresh every single day.
I will never forget the unspeakable pain and anguish in Mike's face. He
was transformed before my eyes from a bear of a man into a 4 year old
little boy crying as if his puppy had just been hit by a car and killed
before his eyes. Mike understood abandonment but sadly the paradigm
also offered him little relief. His life was a living hell of constant
surveillance, obsession, insecurity and torturous pain. Both Randy and
Mike were extremely likable, funny, charming fellows. They were sweet
little boys who could also transform into crazed bullies at times.
Their childhood wounds, not their partner's affairs ruined them and
their relationships. Mike loved Anne with a deep passion. He just
wasn't able to control his insane jealousy enough to truly love to her
in real life.
One of the most tragic aspects of a break up when abandonment issues
are involved is that the broken lovers do usually genuinely care about
and love one another. They are soul mates. They shouldn't end their
relationship, but the abandonment pain is just so destructive and
powerful that it manages to destroy what seemed completely
indestructible. When such a bond comes to an abrupt and brutal end, the
grief is about equal to three or four standard breakups. It is like
having a huge part of yourself cut out of your chest. If you experience
such a break up you will need an anti-depressant, a therapist, lots of
friends, a dog and a flat bed full of tissue boxes.
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