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The Death of a Marriage
Written By: Mark Smith

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Indianapolis Marriage Counseling Information

The Death of a Marriage

Their wedding picture mocked them from the table.
the captured commitment slowly faded into bland nothingness.
These two lives no longer touched each other.
Somewhere between the oldest child's first tooth
and youngest daughter's graduation
they had lost each other and they had lost themselves.
Throughout the years as each slowly unraveled
that tangled ball of string called self,
each hid their desperate searching from the other.
Sometimes she cried at night and begged
the whispering darkness to tell her who she was
while he lay beside her snoring like
an oblivious, hibernating bear completely unaware of her terrifyingly cold winter.
Once after they had made love he longed to tell her
how afraid he was of dying
but he feared the risk of his naked soul.
In vain she took a course in modern art trying to find herself
in colors splashed upon a canvas.
Alas, her self was buried with the beast of dark pain that she dared never unleash.
He climbed into a tomb called the office,
wrapped his mind in a shroud of paper figures
and buried himself in the needs of his clients.
Slowly the wall between them rose cemented
by the mortar of utter boredom and indifference.
Reaching out to touch each other
they found a barrier they could not penetrate
and recoiling from the sheer iciness of the stone
each retreated from the dangerous stranger on the other side.
For when love dies it is not in a moment of angry battle
nor when fiery bodies lose their heat.
It lies panting, exhausted, expiring and pathetic
at the bottom of a wall it could not scale.*

(*Note - The original author of this powerful piece is anonymous. I thought I would put my 2011 Mark Smith spin on it hopefully to give it some additional punch.)

You've seen this couple at restaurants. They have precious little to say to each other. They look bored because they are bored. They rarely make love and when they do it is just really bad sex, not really making love. I can tell which couples won't make it when they start couples counseling. I am up front with about their chances. Many times I even give them 'Mark's Las Vegas Odds'. Some couples just seem completely out of gas before they even begin their marital work. Their passion for each other has dried up on every level.

Dead couples like this at times choose to stay married simply because neither has the zest for life or the fire in their bellies to need and want more. They say that they are staying for the kids, but what they don't know is that they are GUARANTEEING that their kids will grow up and re-create THEIR marriage. They are more concerned with how they look from a distance to their neighbors, friends, co-workers and family members then they are with actually getting their most important emotional needs met.

Dead couples look great from a distance but they lack depth and substance.
Dead couples tend to go on vacation without each other most of the time.
Dead couples many times have separate bank accounts and little accountability.
Dead couples don't know that their real problems are based in their childhoods.
Dead couples hold a great deal of misguided bitterness towards one another.
Dead couples tend to have very separate hobbies and friends.
Dead couples tend to believe that anyone married more than 10 years is dead too.
Dead couples don't miss each other much at all when they are apart.
Dead couples work too much, parent too much, eat too much or drink too much.
Dead couples let their one and only chance at life and happiness pass them by!

I don't care how old you are, you are too young to be emotionally, relationally and sexually dead! Wake up! Feel! Find yourself even if it hurts more than anything you've ever done. Go to the best therapist you can locate, roll up your sleeves and get to work. Fix it if it can be fixed. With excellent therapy approximately 80% of marriages can not only be salvaged but they can also be re-built into something healthier, sexier and more alive then they have ever been. How is alive is your marriage? What are you going to do about that?

Indianapolis Marriage Counseling Information

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This article was authored by Family Tree Counseling Associates, a marriage, individual and family counseling center serving the Indianapolis, Carmel, Fishers, Westfield and Noblesville communities in Indiana. If you would like to contact us, please fill out a contact us form or call us at 317-844-2442.
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